recap and moving forward

i ended the year with 56% of my students passing. that's pretty pathetic but I did my best. over 25% of my kids were SPED and the rest were downright low functioning nearly 80% 1s and 2s) so i'm ok with the results.

i just finished up a successful summer school class so I think my stats will go to about 65% passing but i've accepted my low scores either way and am looking forward to meeting the new freshmen in september.

i have a new, interesting schedule for this upcoming year. they reduced my teaching load by another period to do dean work so now i only teach 3 classes. i'm teaching two algebra, and then one music class which i've never done before. it will be a piano lab which i'm nervous about, but it's nice for a change of pace.

but i'm extremely stressed right now. i might lose my license and be kicked out of grad school. i was stupid and didn't follow through with things and got 3 ABS grades. One of them I never resolved, but I handed in the work to the other 2 professors. However both professors never changed my grade and now it's too late. One professor, who still is teaching at the school, has downright refused to return any emails or phone calls and my GPA is horrendous. I also took a class last semester where the professor visited me at my school and he told me I got an A, but it's not on my transcript. Apparently I was on academic probation, so they didn't register me (although the teacher was visiting me so I had no clue this was an issue!) and now I basically wasted the entire semester with that class because I have to retake it.

so i'm on academic probation with 2 semesters left. 2 semesters to take my pre-thesis class, my thesis class, plus retake the 3 ABS classes that turned into Fs and the observation class. There is no way in hell they're going to let me do this and I just don't know what to do! I got a letter in July telling me to speak to the department chairperson, but after calling, emailing, and then visiting in person, I found out she will not be in until the first week of school. The school secretary that was in when I visited told me she thinks they will kick me out.

This is not looking good.

I am really good at what I do, but really bad at school.

I am just going to go down as soon as the chairperson gets back, give it my best shot, and hope for the best. This is really stressing me majorly. I fucked up so badly.